Beyond Winter Blues

Beyond Winter Blues

I think the first thing I (and many others) always forget in living this life is self -compassion.

I’ve been through A LOT the last few years.  There is very little that has been consistent and most of the change has happened suddenly and harshly.  I lost a job, a best friend/partner, a car, trust, big things, and little things.

Early on in this period of trial I felt torn to bits.  I had a revelation that if I was torn to bits, then maybe it was time to rebuild myself properly.  I could start with my foundation.  The last two and a half years have been just that.  However, I certainly go through phases where I am not succeeding at this in any way, shape, or form.  I go through periods where the old way is the easy way.

A couple of weeks ago I moved again.  I was living with a friend of mine who had a lot of changes happen in her life while I was living there and communicated with me about those changes very little.  In turn, I felt like I was unwanted in the house and tried to lay as low as possible.  I barely used the kitchen and was eating poorly.  I barely came upstairs.

So, I moved, lost a friend, AND had started to test the waters on some things that are very likely to involve rejection.  These things are all very trying on their own and I had added them to a series of non-stop trials from the last three years.  I will admit on a public forum that I got very depressed as a result.  I think my lack of nutritious meals came into play as well.

Not many like to admit to depression, myself included.  Depression is viewed as a weakness by many and is one of many stigmas that is avoided.  But, I admit it here and admitted it on Facebook to remind others who deal with depression that they are not alone…no matter how engulfing that loneliness may feel.

This is where the change happened.  Somewhere in the midst of a very dark place, I remembered to have some compassion for myself.  I realized that I was in the midst of, and finishing up with, yet another major trial.  I realized that I’d not been talking my vitamins and I’d been eating very poorly.  I admitted openly what I was going through to friends and other loved ones.  They were very warm, supportive, and loving rather than rejecting.  I used my new insurance to go to a Naturopath and started adding some new amino acids my supplement routine.   I’ve got more to do to tackle the depression I’ve suffered off and on for my entire life, but I’m on track again because of compassion for myself.

Self-compassion is not selfish.  Self-compassion is not negative.  Self-compassion keeps you moving forward in the hardest of personal times.  Self-compassion keeps you open minded and learning something new every day.  Sometimes lessons purely about yourself are the most valuable lessons in ones life.

– Meredith, Assistant Spa Director at PDX

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